He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
