If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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