Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
