I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
