I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
