What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
