dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm getting married
To pizza
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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