how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
