just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
