yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
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