there's paper in my vomit.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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