but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
