In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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