Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
