just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
