did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
