I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
