Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
