Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
