Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
