All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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