New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
