I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
