he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
