she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Moan for me like Helen Keller
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
