Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
