I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
