i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
