I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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