Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
