Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
