How's work?
Spinning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
