dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
