So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
