life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize