wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
