dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
