Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
