end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She said her name was "party"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
