its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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