Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Alive.
So much puke
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
