hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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