I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
