I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
