Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sarcasm needs its own font
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
