I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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