your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I did not marry a roomba.
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