At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
