I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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