Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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