it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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