your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
