you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
