haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
