boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
