just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
