Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Panties = found
Randomize
