then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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