I'm eating all of the evidence.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
