so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize