Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
