why do cheetos always look like penises
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
