I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
