Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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