You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
