We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
