You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
