Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
