I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My bed smells like the plague
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
