I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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