Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
