Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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