I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
