check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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