i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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